SPLATH!

Puerto Rico is hot. No seriously. Like the sun is blazing.

I am here for a meeting. No, seriously. Each year, the MRA BOD holds their 1st meeting of the year in PR, and this is my 2nd one in a row. Of course, flying all the way down here, for less than $200 on JetBlue BTW, I figure, stay for a couple of extra days, make some friends, research some food and beverage, try and discover "good" service, write a blog...write it off...

While here, I also get a great opportunity to meet, and learn from, some GREAT industry leaders; The owners of the Turner Fisheries (The Turners--NOT named Ike and Tina), The Aquitane Group, Legendary Group, The Briar Restaurant Group, Manny Costa from Costa Fruit and Produce (Who, apparently wears pajamas) and so many others!

Aside from the pajamas thing, I learned from Jim Turner that Oysters, like bears, "fatten up" for the winter. When the water gets cold, they go dormant (aka Hibernate) and so, the best time to get plump, full bellied oysters is, well, right about now!

What else did I learn, you may ask? OK. Well, though they open every single door for you at The El San Juan (our hotel), almost no one in P.R. EVER clears a dirty dish. So foreign a concept in the local hospitality that, in a humorous example, the bartender kept cursing, and shoo-ing away the birds that were landing on the empty plate at the pool bar, eating the crumbs that the departed guest had left behind, yet it never occurred to him that clearing away the dirty plate would solve the problem. Ay caramba!

And, unlike in my own restaurants, where, against what is "natural", we teach our staff to see a half a glass of water as "half empty" (FILL IT!), yet, in the Port of Rico, they wait until it is fully-empty. Completely. And the ice is melted. And, you flag someone down. Waving your arms aggressively, while making the universal sign for "I am in the desert and I am dying of thirst"

In general, the service standard in the Caribbean'ish islands is a little different. I am still trying to decide if it is them; Slow, easygoing, relaxed, unattentive, casual... or us; Impatient, demanding, too stressed out. (I say "us" because I find myself often wishing my glass was filled and my table was cleared, but I try and go with it...while some "others" bitch, complain, and do that whole, annoying;

"Um. Excuse me Sen-your-ah. Can I puh-leez get some extra sweet and low por fay-ver"

Some more things learned while in Puerto Rico?

~Damn they can dance.
~Age doesn't much matter when it comes to high heels and short skirts. (Much like Staten Island)
~They pour BIG drinks and overportion guacamole. (A good thing if the "food cost" is not YOUR responsibility!)
~There is too much barbed wire when you stray from the resorts.
~We are not the only ones constantly having trouble finding excellent, well trained restaurant staff.
~The ocean is unbelievably gorgeous.
~Mofongo never tastes the same.
~MA. Department of labor doesn't care if their rules actually make any sense.
~They don't hold "de caf" drinkers in high regard here. (I am ok with that!)
~Puerto Ricans pay the same in SS benefits, but receive less than we do.
~The 99's is squeezing vendors for unreasonable pricing, now that it is corporate owned.
~Icelandic Haddock is caught with long lines, thereby offering a much better chance of "fresh", than netted, dead fish.
~I am not the only one who has been told by an employee "Pay me more and THEN I will show you how good I am" (Ay caramba!) 
~Local fisherman (Massachusetts, local) are in serious danger of losing fishing "rights" to large, multi national corporations
(More on that later)
~Moonstones pending Sunday Brunch menu is being designed in my absence.
~Giant fans like wearing their team caps poolside even more than Patriot fans. (shocking)
~The Palm steakhouse, just maybe, served the best steak I ever had. (Better be amazing at that price!)
~SPF 30 barely does the trick

Adios amigos, para ahora!

Sorry fans...it's been awhile!  Holiday shopping (yea, right!), kids home (many movies), Holiday functions, football games, winter naps, making sure the managers don't need my help (yea, right!)...

So...at Moonstones...We tried what NYC's David Chang (Momofuko) made somewhat ubiquitous in "cool like that" restaurants in New York, Chicago, Boston, etc.

PorK Belly.

Pork Belly is not a new invention.  It has been around as long as pigs.  The Chinese loooove their Pork Belly.  (whereas, we love our bacon)

Sorry...quick quiz question!  If you are in the Midwest, and the breakfast waitress asks you if you want "A Bob", what is she asking?

OK, back to it.

Pork Belly.  Not new.  But, as a delectable, crsipy, fatty, sticky, succulent menu item in culinary hot spots, it became really popular only a few years ago.  Mind you, not in the Merrimack Valley.  We are stiill getting cable TV in some places around here.  (No shit!  Check out downtown Lowell.  No cable)  I digress.  (again)

OK..Pork Belly.  Not new.  New to cool restaurants.  Now in the MVM, because, well, because someone put it on the menu in Chelmsford.  Moonstones actually.  (me, actually)

"Pan Seared Pork Belly".  Did not sell.

We renamed it.  "Seared Pork bacon".  Maybe "belly" scares the folks here in "The 'Burbs. Same stuff, a creative diversion in name.  Did not sell.

Stubbornly, we (I) renamed it again.  "Seared and succulent Pork".  Surely, "succulent" will do the trick. Same stuff, different name. Did. Not. Sell.
(I hear Mike Singletary in my head; "We can't win with Pork Belly. Can't do it. Won't do it."

Here comes the new super Chef.  Robert Jean.  (We (I) will talk more about Chef Jean later)

"Hey Plath, how about we create some pork lettuce wraps with that belly?"  says the new hot shot.  (No, he really is.  That's no fresh. Maybe a little fresh.  I'm jealous.)

"Yea, sure chef.  Good luck with that." I say, forcing a smile.

Same stuff, add lettuce leaves. Sells like crazy.

Seriously?  Maybe I should just grab a...BASKET OF BACON...and go watch TV.  (Once we get cable)

~Having all (3) kids home, from Boston and Chicago, of course.

~ Daughter #3 scoring multiple B's in school, and enjoying college for the 1st time in awhile.

~ The launch of our family 1st ever "Green Yankee Swap"-- encouraging re gifting, and no money spent.  Some great gifts...and laughs!

~Watching movies, oops--films--selected by my kids, that dealt with issues of homophobia and the power of music to create peace and harmony, amidst war and opression, in "Afghan Star."  No "My Best Friend's Wedding" for these girls.

~ Bar Manager Kim Mello's home made Irish Cream in the coffee on Christmas morning.

~ The generosity of our wine vendors--MS Walker, Horizon and Classic--as we sampled Cabernet, after Grenache-Syrah after Barolo after Malbec...

~ My brother in laws quote regarding the "earthy, leather notes" of Malbec; "Yea...dirt."

~ My favorite quote of the week, with regard to birth control challenges and outfoxing Mother Nature; "Too great a task"

~ My favorite written quote of the week; "I felt my body rebelling against my intellect, and despite the cruel violence of the day, I longed to kiss her"

~ Daughter #2, progressive and fesisty art student, on Pier One Imports; "What a crock of shit.  More like Global Opressors"

~ Daughter #2 again; "Yea, find your BITCH" as she translates Corona commercials' "Find your beach"

~ My Christmas gift from one manager; A book, including her published story; "

~ Watching miniature cousins enraptured as uncle Johnny kept tabs on Santa's travel, on his "Santa Tracker App" on his smart phone, warning the kids that they'd have to get home soon.

~ Listening to Uncle Johnny actually explain that contrary to popular belief, Santa travels North to South to North, as the globe turns-- "Duh.  East to West would make absolutely no sense"

~ Opening my Nook--the hi tech answer to books--and finding it packed in all re cycled, "green" materials.  Cool?  Weird.

~ Listening to restaurant employee, daughter #1, bemoan how sidework tasks confound the staff--1500 miles away--same shit, different city.

~ The "elders" argument over what chip was best: Royal Feast, Boyd's, Charles Chips.

~ Watching 4 women, engage in synchronized clean up, as a giant Christmas Eve mess disappeared in no time, and recalling the words of the previous day; "If you want something discussed, ask a man.  If you want something done, as a woman"  (Or, was it, "Two old broads")

Happy Holidays to all my girls...and you!

Later in the evening this past Friday night, while I was quietly unwinding in front of a holiday season fire in Cobblestones lobby, after an incredibly busy day, the front door opened and the din of a large group began to fill the lobby.

Just as I began to look up and behind me from my comfy leather chair, a voice too close and rather loud announced; “We are here for tours for tots.” 

I knew what she meant, sort of—but recognized the slurred speech (being the trained "professional" that I am--wink wink). “We’re here from Charlie’s bar to sing Christmas carols” she further declared and seconds later, ambled closer to the bar entrance to join two of her touring party, as one announced loudly enough; “Eeew, I smell seafood. That’s dee-SCUST-ing..I’m not goin in-dare” (= in there, but slurred) as she then tried to turn away but stumbled ever so slightly, before leaning on her friend.

Now thinking to myself, this group has been touring for a few hours, singing at any number of bars perhaps along the way. I guessed with relative certainty, that the singing produced a tremendous thirst, most joyously quenched with beer. ( I would have wagered Budwesier)

With no malice at heart--being a lover of both beer and song myself-- I rose from my chair, silently confirmed with other managers now in the lobby (meaning, I looked at them and rolled my head and eyes ever so slightly towards the exit—2 or 3 times for em-PHA-sis—and armed with our consensus opinion, suggested that maybe the group should do their caroling “outside, in front of the restaurant” (read between the lines—As far away from the bar, and bar customers, as possible)

My suggestion, as might be anticipated, was met with great offense, as the now-leader of the revelers march-walked with determination towards Robin, our General Manager, and confronted “Who are you?” (Robin said “Robin”) The leader continued immediately, likely without actually hearing Robin's name and rather aggressively
“What’s your title?” 

“General manager. What’s yours?” was Robin’s good natured retort. “And, why are you being so fresh to me right now?” Robin justifiably asked, and ever so calmly.

At this point, the virtual “gloves came off”! I don’t really remember the ensuing diatribe from the self appointed representative, but after she thrust her wrinkly “Toys for Tots” flyer-slash-business card in Robin’s face—it went on, without any periods or pauses, something along the lines of—“THISiswho-I-yam that'swho an'you people thisnthat, don’t support toysfortots and so on, and he told ustosingoutsideand he’s a so and so, and we are here to support Charlie’s, but now wegonnacall the Lowell Sun and tell them that you were rude and don’t care about children and I watch Jerry Springer a lot and there is no way blah blah blah” (Okay, I made the Jerry Springer part up for effect—and perhaps too the gravel-ly, smokes-too-much-voice that I keep hearing in my head)

Robin, who is as cool as anyone I have ever met when it comes to diffusing conflict remained easy, and finally explained nicely and calmly that “some in the party have been drinking, and this is just not the best time perhaps, for caroling in the restaurant”

Well, at this point, others slurred and/or shouted objections, while the more reasonable, and perhaps more sober, group representatives started to herd everyone out the door (while some continued to shout and/or threaten)

In objection, the head big-mouth barked over her exiting shoulder- “I have had only two bee-ahs (beers) and I only weigh 170lbs and that doesn’t make me intoxicated.” 

Of course, after 17 years of interfering with Robin’s expert handling of such situations, you’d think I would have learned by now, but no. It was waaay to easy to suggest from behind the group leader as I returned to my chair- “C’mon honey, you go at least a buck seventy five.” (I thought it was cute)

Well. Had she not been flanked by two fellow Tot-tour partners, I most likely would have received a proper punch in the mouth!

Instead, the following day, four of them—with small tots in tow—returned to Cobblestones with homemade (flimsy) signs (drawn in crayon) and picketed out front, declaring that the owner of Cobblestones (me) does not support “Toys for Tots”.

Cool-like-that, as usual, Robin called "Charlie".

Last week, a private party of 20 were entering the front of moonstones, heading for their private room.  One of the business men mentioned lobster, overheard by our "new" chef, Rob Jean.  Knowing that we only have a few lobsters on hand for the raw bar, as lobster is not actually on the menu, Chef asked the hostess to call Market Basket to confirm that they had lobsters.  Once confirmed, he directed the server to offer lobsters to the group, should they wish.  Someone can hustle up the road and grab what we needed.  THIS type of guest focus and initiative is what separates the men from the boys!  I love my staff.

Thursday night was the annual Boys and Girls Club of Lowell Holiday Auction, at the beautiful Lowell Memorial Auditorium.  Every year it is a special night, as tons of those "with alot" donate prizes for auction for those "with enough" to compete over purchases to benefit those "with less".  (Much, much less)  This year, the "raise your hand if you want to donate $100.00 to the food program" had so many hands in the air that it took the auctioneer a full 15 minutes to count them all.  Ridiculous generosity and love.

The best (selfish?) part of the evening is when a cocktail party for 25, donated by The Stone's Restaurant Group (Cobblestones and Moonstones) and Hammer and Sickle Luxury Vodka got hotly contested bewteen (3) bidders and finally sold for $2900.00!!  Damn, those hors d'oeuvres better be freakin' good!!  We ended up donating a 2nd party-- creating $5800.00 for the club, on a night that over $100,000 was raised.

Now, you gotta LOVE that about Lowell!